X: 2016 is coming to an end. I think it’s time you and I had a chat about what you’re doing.
Me: Sure. What about it?
X: Well, for starters, what exactly are you doing? A year ago you said you wanted to be a writer. Now it’s all about these shows and you haven’t written the blog since August. You need to be clear about your end goals because no one else is.
Me: I wouldn’t worry about that. No one reads it anyway and I needed a breather.
X: That kind of attitude will get you precisely nowhere.
Me: I’m already precisely nowhere. Which is why I’m doing the shows.
X: Okay, let’s take a different tack. Are you making any money from them?
Me: Absolutely none. In fact, I fork out quite a bit to make it all happen.
X: So what’s your projected business plan then? Because it’s not looking too crash hot at the moment.
Me: I don’t have a business plan. Actually, that’s not true, I do: the plan is to keep doing stuff until something gives. Sort of like ‘paying your dues’ when you’re in a band.
X: Bands don’t ‘pay their dues’ any more, for god’s sake! Your head’s somewhere in the 1970s. And if you don’t come up with something a little more concrete, so is your career.
Me: I quite fancy a 1970s career, now you mention it. It was all a bit more clear-cut back then.
X: If you’re not going to take this seriously, don’t come crying to me when you can’t pay the fucking bills.
Me: All right, all right! Jeez! Well, the way I see it is as a package. The written stuff feeds the live stuff and the audio stuff, I get to meet some great people along the way and eventually I sell the concept.
X: Who to? Santa? The Magic Fairy Godmother?
Me: If you’re not going to take this seriously, don’t come crying to me when I can’t pay the fucking bills.
X: I am serious. Who on earth is going to shell out for your ‘concept’, seeing as it’s doing so well right now?
X: And what if Santa only wants one of your acts? That Jenny Vegas, for example: you seem to be putting your back into that one.
Me: You’ve just proved that my concept works in a single sentence.
X: How exactly?
Me: Because you mentioned Jenny Vegas.
Me: Until today, she’s only been part of the shows. But now you’ve put her into the writing, and we’ll probably record this as well. And then I can sell it all on to Santa as a multimedia extravaganza and buy a house in Beverly Hills.
X: You wrote this, not me!
Me: Are you saying you don’t exist?
X: You’re really not at all well, are you?
Me: I’m fine. The back’s playing up a bit though.