Broken Biscuits No.8.

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Last show of the year, so get yer ya-ya’s out and head off to the coast again! This time it’s at Bognor Regis’s magnificent SeaFiSh, the brainchild of Sean Bw Parker (who has kindly agreed to compere the evening) and inexplicably under threat from Arun District Council. It’s a venue that embraces all forms of the arts and is very much a cultural hive, so to lose it to jobsworths would be nothing short of criminal. Sean has set up a crowdfunding page here to help with legal costs, so if you can help in any way, please do.

Jenny Vegas and Jenny Lockyer are back for this one (in a curious J² BOGOF deal), and James Cook is flying in specially from Berlin to be with us once again – it’s not often you get to write stuff like this. Windy will be getting a look in as well, and the grapevine informs me that there will be a Christmas address, so Idle Eye will be digging deep to find something appropriate to the season. I know, I know. There may even be hats, heaven preserve us! All in all, not a bad way to end a particularly gruelling 2016, so very much worth making the trip for (unless you’re travelling on Southern, in which case we salute you and will arrange in situ councelling as you leave the train).

Broken Biscuits 8 – Fortifying the over forties for tea. I thank you x

Broken Biscuits No.7.

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BB7 then. Last time we did Hastings, it was Brexit; this time it was Trump. So unsurprisingly, we were given the full might of the elements in return. Horizontal rain and the tail end of a hurricane did their darndest to whip our scrawny arses into submission, but we weren’t having it, no siree; the show had to go on…

Kate Tym, our compere, kicked off the night with this and had us all squirming in our seats. Really, Kate? Really? And just as we were trying to rid ourselves of the mental image of a President Elect’s ginger moobs, The Magic Wizard cast his spell with the finest drone pop since…well, Tiger, actually. Dan Laidler is back, on form and not before time, ably assisted by a couple of blokes he found in Wetherspoons.

David Quantick singlehandedly proved that by changing one word in Bob Dylan’s Wikipedia entry, the entire course of music history as we know it could be seismically altered. In “The Day Bob Dylan Went Disco” we got our Judas moment all funked up; because that’s what he would have wanted.

Idle Eye adhered to the old mantra ‘something old, something new, something borrowed’ etc… There was a bit of quality swearing from his potty-mouthed satnav, samples, spot fx and a rather fetching new teeshirt kindly donated by Magda Archer. Yes, his life is crap; get over it.

To round it all off, Jenny Vegas allowed us a rare glimpse into the rigours of being a consummated professional. Her acting coach, Ophelia Cordelia Bagshaw-Smythe, clearly had her work cut out. Sadly, what happened to Miss Vegas did not stay with Miss Vegas but she soldiers on regardless, bless her…

Windy’s Farm hit the big screen this time. Bloody huge, it was too! Our thanks to The Palace for putting it all on, to everyone who ventured out on the gloomiest of Sundays, and to Brooklyn Lager for aiding and abetting. The last show of the year will be at the wonderful SeaFiSh in Bognor Regis on 15th December, hope to see some of you there. It may or may not have a festive theme, but I’m trying not to think about that just yet. Bah! x

Book Update No. 16

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Remember this? If you can’t, please allow me to bring you up to speed: almost exactly one year ago, following on from an intense yet successful Kickstarter campaign, Amateur of Life and Death was released into the world via my very own little publishing wing, Ward 10 Books. Twenty brilliant artists from disparate disciplines and locations all contributed two illustrations, it was beautifully designed by Ursula McLaughlin and it became a hardback as we raised £1000 more than I had originally pitched for. It sold quite a few copies to begin with, but then came the inevitable slowdown and the impenetrable wall of the big stores was never adequately scaled. This upset me at first, but it lead onto the alternative route I have adopted since April; live performance and the Broken Biscuits shows. Which I adore, but the book is still a very real thing, still available and I am immensely proud of it.

As we prepare to enter the season of goodwill, may I humbly suggest the above as an adequate token of affection for a loved one, a colleague, a pet, an accountant or anyone else who knows you. It is quite easy to wrap, has pictures if you don’t like the words, and it fits under most doors. Simply click on the link below and I will sign it & send it to whoever you wish. If the link doesn’t work, could you let me know in the comments please? I’m a bit shit at this stuff which is why I’m not rich.

I thank you x

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Broken Biscuits No.7.

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Once more unto the breach, people of Hastings! BB7 is coming back atcha, because we love you to bits and you deserve it. This time, we’ll be at the Palace, right bang on the seafront (near the pier) and newly restored to its former splendour. Can’t wait!

We’ll be bringing Jenny Vegas with us (can’t keep her away), with her unique brand of celebrity culture gone a bit wrong, all squeezed into a character you can’t help falling for. Not quite sure how the Bernard Matthews Celebrity Tour of Norfolk is managing without her, but I’m sure we’ll get a letter soon. In blood.

David Quantick‘s back too! And we have it on good authority he’ll be doing a new piece called 20 Joan of Arcs By Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark. Anyone who was lucky enough to catch him last time will know that this is going to be quite something. Do not miss it; seriously.

And as if all this isn’t enough, we’ve managed to pull off something of a coup: The Magic Wizard (aka Dan Laidler) is going to out a few tunes for the first time ever. His work with Tiger in the 90s cemented his status as one of the UK’s most enigmatic singer/songwriters, and now he’s back. Thank the bloody lord, it’s been a long wait.

Yes, you’ll be getting the Windy’s Farm animations as well. And Idle Eye, now that we’ve worked out how to use the desk and put in funny noises. Also, this time we’ll have a proper compere! St Leonards’s very own Kate Tym has kindly agreed to step in and save me from embarrassing myself in public as per. Worth the ticket price alone.

So, all in all not a bad night out. It’ll be great, actually (I know we always say that but it’s true). See you there x

Broken Biscuits No.6.

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And they just get better and better. Always lovely to do a gig in the manor but oh, Crystal Palace, you surpassed yourselves! Have a biscuit. Let’s break it down, because that’s what you know and love:

Sadly, Michael Legge couldn’t be with us for this one, but the unstoppable Jenny Vegas kindly agreed to take another day off her Bernard Matthews tour of Norfolk to join us once again. And this time, we got the full Manky Shanka, yes we did! God only knows how she manages to walk to Jobcentre Plus every morning.

Jenny Lockyer‘s hilarious, delicate and beautifully delivered songs ranged from a five-year-old’s wry observation of her mother’s appalling driving skills, to the quite brilliant Agnetta Askeholmen doing a ditty about a little dolphin and a magic fish; and anything in between. She’ll be joining us again in Bognor so if you missed this, for God’s sake get a train ticket now. Mmm, Southern.

Joe Duggan kicked off the evening leaving no stone unturned. I’ve tried to give a flavour of just how varied and powerful his work can be in the below edit, but to get the full hit you really need to be there in the flesh. He is blessed with not only the words, but also a voice that soothes on the one hand and kicks off with the other. An extraordinary talent.

Idle Eye went sonictastic for this one. Samples, vocal fx and not one but two wonderful guest speakers (Callum Hughes and Penny Capper) helped disguise shoddy writing and bullshit delivery from the main man. I’m seriously beginning to wonder why I continue to put on this utter no-mark; he’s a sad epitome of a waning talent, clinging onto the coat-tails of a rising star. Pathetic.

Next up, we’re back in lovely, lovely Hastings – 20th November at the newly restored Palace. Right on the seafront, right on the money. We’ll deliver, I swear to God. And if we don’t, Donald’s contact details follow below. Usually replies within 24 hours:

donaldrossskinner@notsurewhatsgoingonhere.co.uk