Broken Biscuits No.1.


What a brilliant night! Top notch entertainment across the board, lovely audience, amazing space and my own birth mother giving out free crisps to all and sundry. And we smashed the £150 bar deposit within a few minutes of opening! There’s a selection of highlights below, but more will be going up on the Facebook page any day now (please ‘like’ it or whatever it is you people do to pages). I’ve been told I have to monetise my content better, but as I don’t know what that means, I’m putting it up here instead. The next BB will be in July, same place, same time etc… and I’ll do my best to match the quality here, gonna be a tough call. Thanks to everyone who came, to everyone who performed, and to everyone who drank me back into the black: I am not worthy x

Broken Biscuits No.1.


I’ve not been good, granted: next to no (no) updates on this ‘ere book and biblio-silence on the blog. But there is a reason for this, albeit rather tenuous. Saturday 23rd April sees the first of what I hope will be a quarterly event at Crystal Palace’s magnificent Antenna Studios, featuring some of the finest local talent IE can muster without resorting to bribery. Flame Proof is back with an exclusive last ever solo performance (my fervent prayer is that we can persuade him otherwise); Ron McElroy and Andrew Burke are gonna kick up some of that dirty blues direct from the CP Delta; Helen Thorn‘s taking five from the brilliant Scummy Mummies to help wannabe parents get more Chablis in without spoiling the child, and then you’ve got Me and Donald. Early enough in the evening for you to pop out and lance the cat’s boils or somesuch. It’s probably for the best.

There’s a few more big changes afoot which I’m not yet at liberty to disclose. But potentially exciting stuff, I’ll let you know as and when. In the meantime, there are several more live shows on the horizon and a festival. Yes, a festival! With mud and young people, can you imagine? There was a time I’d have given my right arm to be even considered for one. These days, I instruct my solicitors to include a BUPA proximity clause and a guaranteed airlift to and from the arena. What have I become?

Book Update No.2


Just heard back from 3rd Rail clothing who are printing these up for me – Now shipping a bit late due to supply issues. They gave me the option to choose another brand but I’m sold on these babies, great quality, ethical etc… Like me, basically. So I’ll take the hit. Have also decided to use them as shameless bribes to make you pledge something for the book when the campaign goes live, so not for sale as such. More of a chicane.

On that subject & all being well, we’re aiming to kick off in the first week of July. It will run for 35 days, and there will be an escalating series of rewards (some of which are really special) depending on how much is pledged. I’m keeping the target as low as I can manage in the fervent hope that we meet it and the book can go into production. If it falls short, you all get your money back & I go into the Priory. If we go over, I’ll make it a hardback and/or print off more copies. That’s how it works. So forgive me if you start getting grovelling emails/requests to share posts/miscellaneous irritating intrusions into your lives. It won’t be for long and who knows? You might get a lovely shirt to polish the Chippendale with.

Book Update No.1

cover mock-up

Amateur of Life and Death updates will live here until the thing is finished. This will include stuff about crowdfunding, agents, publishers, the Beverley Hills apartment I am forced to write from and weekly stats as to how much everyone involved hates me (this will fluctuate). The production of a book is a raw, bloody process, a bit like giving birth to a porcupine. I fully intend to take you through the labour stages until I bring the mewling, puking little bastard into the world and someone gives me a hanky to cry into.